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Racking up corpses - the results are in!

Potential victim: The remarkably annoying boffin guy with the ridiculous nose.
Odds of mutilation: 81%
Actual outcome: Despite the fact this book-hungry gibbon seemed to be in this movie just to die, he somehow lives.

This slight and unconvincing facial wound and a broken lens in his glasses is the full extent of the damage taken by a character who's as central to the plot as Rodney Dangerfield was to the Middle Eastern peace process.

Despite his total lack of courage, skill or any shark-repellant qualities, he somehow lives on to soak up the fun and enjoyment from Christ only knows how many unbearable and pointless sequels.

By the end of the movie even the nameless, pointless excuse for an actor who plays this retard sounds like he's given up hope - he too, it seems, was begging for the graceful hand of Death to snatch him from this mortal coil and to make the mediocrity finally stop. But no.

The wankers who made this film clearly lacked the spine even to kill off this one completely hopeless wreck of a human being, played by a sleepwalker of an actor in the death throws of a career. All I can hope is that once shooting was wrapped up and the final cut was in the can, that they then took this vapid sack of shit out back and sent him to the same final resting ground as Old Yeller. Fingers crossed, eh?

Click here to go back.

Click here to go back to the home page Click here to see our foolish and drunken attempts at humour Click here to read our humiliation of the worst cinematic abortions the movie industry has to offer Click here to see some of the most bizarre news the web's ever puked out

Click here to see the barrage of other crap we have lying around