Racking up corpses - the results are in!

Potential victim: The remarkably annoying boffin guy with the ridiculous nose.
Odds of mutilation: 81%
Actual outcome: Despite the fact this book-hungry gibbon seemed to be in this movie just to die, he somehow lives.

Yup. He lives on. This slight and unconvincing facial wound and a broken lens in his glasses is the full extent of the damage taken by a character who quite frankly was as central to the plot as Rodney Dangerfield was to the Middle Eastern peace process. Despite his total lack of courage, skill or any shark-repellant qualities, he somehow lives on to soak up the fun and enjoyment from Christ only knows how many unbearable and pointless sequels.

By the end of the movie even the nameless, pointless excuse for an actor who plays this retard sounds like he's given up hope - he too, it seems, was begging for the graceful hand of Death to snatch him from this mortal coil and to make the mediocrity finally stop. But no.

The wankers who made this film clearly lacked the spine even to kill off this one completely hopeless wreck of a human being, played by a sleepwalker of an actor in the death throws of a career. All I can hope is that once shooting was wrapped up and the final cut was in the can, that they then took this vapid sack of shit out back and sent him to the same final resting ground as Old Yeller. Fingers crossed, eh?