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Michael Caine: This Is The Word Of Caine, Praise Be To Caine

This is the word of Caine. Praise be to Caine.

No subject off-limits, no stone remaining un-turned; truly nothing can escape the laser-like focus of this British acting legend. Feast your eyes on the words of Sir Michael Caine. Sort of.

Michael Caine: Movie Theatre Bastards
Movie theatre bastards.
"Many of you would be surprised that I do not enjoy the occassional trip to the cinema. Why you ask? Theatres, and to be more specific, movie theatres, are packed to the rafters with bastards."
Michael Caine: I Want To Have A Go With Kirstie Alley
Kirstie Alley.
"I want to have a go with Kirstie Alley. I'm pretty sure your initial reaction is "WHAT"?! Perhaps that is why I find my loins aching for the warmth that only one Kirstie Alley can provide."
Michael Caine: Truth In Movies
Truth in movies.
"It doesn't matter how many years of hand-to-hand combat training you've logged, or that you are in Olympic level athletic condition, on screen the odds are always even, perhaps slightly stacked against you."
Michael Caine: The horrors of tobacco use
The horrors of tobacco use.
"Is there anyone out there that still doesn't realise that using tobacco isn't healthy? You should all go back and try to find a new cause to rally behind. Have a smoke while you are at it too."
Michael Caine: Bartenders
Whatever.
"No doubt you’ve heard this declaration many times before. The word 'whatever' is usually fired from the pursed lips of a very hostile woman, or a gentleman that enjoys open mouth diving into other men’s laps."
Michael Caine: Bartenders
Bartenders.
"After ordering my refreshment I noticed a peculiar phenomenon. This bartender was a cunt. He carried an attitude as though he had been knighted by the very queen herself, which he most assuredly had not."
Michael Caine: Freedom Of Speech
Freedom of speech.
"And I thought my country was tight arsed ... Freedom of speech is not even available to those who subscribe to a service that they know may contain references that will offend? Not in America, not any more."
Michael Caine: Star Wars Prequels
Star Wars prequels.
"Since the Star Wars prequels have been under fire over these past several years, I thought I might inject my feelings on how they have truly ruined the original story ... This, however, is impossible."

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And just in case any truly stupid people come across this site, no this isn't really Michael Caine writing this, you fucking idiots.

Click here to go back to the home page Click here to see our foolish and drunken attempts at humour Click here to read our humiliation of the worst cinematic abortions the movie industry has to offer Click here to see some of the most bizarre news the web's ever puked out

Click here to see the barrage of other crap we have lying around