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One of the world's most lauded businessmen gives free lessons on how to be a fuckwit.

Steve Wynn. The silly tit.

It's official. Steve Wynn is a fuckwit.

You're probably wondering who the hell Steve Wynn is, and you'd be forgiven for that. Until this month, Stevie-boy was just another obscure gazillionaire hiding away somewhere wiping his ass with thousand dollar bills. And then came the masterstroke which had the entire world laughing at him, as he accidentally put his clumsy elbow through a £74,000,000 ($139,000,000) Picasso. The clumsy twonk.

As previously reported in TwistedEdge here, Wynn was prancing about the restaurant of his hotel like a particularly excited little bumble bee, celebrating the fact that he'd sold one of art's greatest masterpieces, Picasso's Le Reve, for a price higher than had ever been paid for a painting.

His good friend Nora Ephron (the woman who snitched this story to the world in her blog) was invited to see the painting. As Ephron puts it:


"He was standing in front of the painting at this point, facing us. He raised his hand to show us something about the painting -- and at that moment, his elbow crashed backwards right through the canvas. There was a terrible noise. Wynn stepped away from the painting, and there, smack in the middle of Marie-Therese Walter's plump and allegedly-erotic forearm, was a black hole the size of a silver dollar - or, to be more exactly, the size of the tip of Steve Wynn's elbow -- with two three-inch long rips coming off it in either direction. Steve Wynn has retinitis pigmentosa, an eye disease that damages peripheral vision, but he could see quite clearly what had happened. "Oh shit," he said. "Look what I've done." The rest of us were speechless."

My first questions for the man now branded 'Captain Fuckwad' by the entire TwistedEdge team would be:
  • Why the hell was the world's most expensive painting left out in the open, not behind some glass case?
  • Why was the world's clumsiest man allowed within 500 miles of this masterpiece?
  • How the hell does this guy even dress himself in the morning without causing Las Vegas to blackout, buildings to collapse, or fire, death and destruction to run rampant through the streets?
  • What's a blind man doing buying paintings in the first place?

Congratulations are due to Ephron, who states in her own words:

"I felt that I was in a room where something very private had happened that I had no right to be at... We all promised we would keep the story quiet - not, you understand, to cover it up, but to make sure that Wynn was able to deal with the episode as he wished to until it came out."

Yes. I'm sure that putting a detailed description of events on a weblog read by millions is a great way to keep a secret you silly woman! It raises question as to who the biggest idiot is here. It's impressive, at least, that the mentally deficient have such a fine understanding of art.

Steve Wynn: not laughing now.
TwistedEdge presents: other ways to fuck up a Picasso!

Drive a car over it.

Wipe your ass with it.

Torch the fucker.


Any of these ideas would be more fun that what Captain Fuckwad did. There's plenty more you could do, but you get the point by now I'm sure.

TwistedEdge presents: other ways to piss away £74,000,000 or $139,000,000!

A shitload of cocaine.
Based on 2005 prices, cocaine is worth £40 per gram in the UK. You could buy 1,850,000 grams for the price of the Picasso. Near 2000 kilos. Wow. That would constitute the biggest cocaine haul in recorded history. Sweet.

A couple of Apache helicopter gunships.
Based on an eBay listing (seriously) Steve could've bought 1.51 Apache gunships for his £74,000,000. Now that would've been extremely fucking cool.

68 small tropical islands.
Caribbean Island Brokers Ltd makes it's way by selling entire island paradises to the rich and shameful. Pictured is Wild Orchid Caye, priced at $2,050,000, which could've been snapped up 68 times for the price of the Picasso.

So it is with great honour that us kind folk of Team TwistedEdge salute Steve Wynn, aka Captain Fuckwad, for being the world's clumsiest bastard. Congratulations Steve!

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Click here to go back to the home page Click here to see our foolish and drunken attempts at humour Click here to read our humiliation of the worst cinematic abortions the movie industry has to offer Click here to see some of the most bizarre news the web's ever puked out

Click here to see the barrage of other crap we have lying around