Our very own Part-time Ninja not a happy bunny. And as usual, it's all your fault...

You'd have to be living in a cave for the last 5 years not to have seen the growing trend that is Che Guevara merchandise taking over the world. Everyone's wearing it, from high-brow celebrities to that drunken, piss-soaked homeless guy who lives at the bottom of your street. Starting off in trendy Bohemian coffee bars and Socialist poetry meetings, and spreading to the Joe Blow on the street, this is one of the most bizarre fashion crazes to have ever captured the imagination of the masses. (That and mullets. Christ only knows what happened there...)

The thing that really pisses me off is that not one of these sheep-like morons knows who the hell Che Guevara was. They just see their buddies wearing this post-modern garb and do the same. Because they're so damn cool. Or maybe not. This'd be fine if we were talking about the face of a true icon like Ali, Mandella or... erm... Dolph Lundgren (ha!)

Instead, however, the people have decided to go with the face of a mass-murdering terrorist revolutionary. Thanks guys. The fact that Britain is one of the hot-beds for this trend makes me wish I was French. And believe me, that's saying something.

Being suitably pissed off, I've decided to scrape out this dandy little corner of the website in order to let you lucky people know about the rather smug-looking face that adorns your shirts, hats, mugs, flavoured condoms and whatever shitty merchandise you've snapped up with your hard earned moola. Oh, and seeing as how whoever thought up this idea is probably now rolling in cash, Team TwistedEdge has come up with a few alternatives for you to splash your filthy lucra on. Enjoy...

A history lesson...

Che Guevara was a very naughty boy indeed.
The sexy looking beast to the left there is Ernesto Guevara de la Serna. His homies called him Che. He lead a revolution in Cuba with his mate Fidel Castro and became something of a folk hero to Marxist / Socialists and the easily bored. As well as some rather cool looking facial hair, Che also boasts a number of attempted coups in Bolivia and Congo, as well as a whole family-sized barrage of murders and killings. It's true folks, in the 50's if you wanted some pesky rebels offed, he was your man.

Did you know, for example, that the rather funky looking rebel on your coffee cup ran a rather fun sounding place called La Cabaña prison, in which oversaw the brutal execution of shitloads of people who rebelled against The Regieme? Everyone needs a hobby I guess. In his spare time, Che also organised many forced labour camps, you know, just for the hell of it. When not culling infidels, everyone's favourite Socialist martyr could be seen skullfucking the Cuban economy into submission as he oversaw the near-collapse of sugar production, the failure of industrialization and the introduction of rationing — all this in what had been one of Latin America’s four most economically successful countries since before the Batista dictatorship. A very busy man indeed.

Above: you too can have the face of everyone's favourite Marxist Bad Boy adorning your t-shirt. Hell, many of you already have...

There are many people out there who salute Ernie Guevara as a hero. Those who do so because of genuine, fiery political feelings are fine by me. Yes, they're wrong but everyone has the right to their own beliefs. It's the rest that piss me off; the coffee house wankers who sit their with their extra creamy latte crowing on about what a hero Ernie was and how we should all be Socialists and rise up against "The Man." These are the people who when confronted with logic, angrily spout off Rage Against The Machine lyrics as if they were Castro on a power trip.

These people are dicks. If you see one of these people in the street, do as I do - point at them and laugh. Belittle them. It's what they're used to. Now, is that pesky cash still burning holes in your pockets? Check these out:

TwistedEdge says...