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TwistedEdge catches the Zwinky bug...

I've just gone and done something I may well live to regret: I've gone and joined the army of sheep who've all rushed out to download Zwinky - a funky little bit of kit which allows you to custom-build a cartoony likeness of yourself. Mine looks like a mix of Dr Frankenstein's monster and an over-used sex doll. I'm very proud. And you too can get in on the action! Got too much time on your hands? Completely inept with the ol' pencil and paper? Want to show the world that you too can look pretty much the same as everyone else? Then head over to Zwinky.com.

So excited was I by this pointless little invention, that I even made likenesses of the whole TwistedEdge Team. Go on, feast your eyes on my artistic ineptitude:

Since time of writing, Ninja now has unconvincing stubble that apparently makes him look like a rapist.
Since time of writing, L.c now has more tattoos than Marilyn Manson and Axl Rose combined. Fact.
Since time of writing, JBJ's gay ginger goatee is now even more ridiculous.

Since time of writing, Vlad has exchanged the red neckerchief for a blue one. Nothing else has changed.

You can be assured these look nothing at all like the real people. Not that it matters. These people could all be figments of my sick, twisted, perverted little imagination for all you know...

The Zwinky bug...

Zwinky. Hmmm... gee. Zwinky. Sounds like some kind of crazy new STD. Yes, it's blatantly a plug by The Man for more MySpace usage. Yes, it blatantly vomits AdWare and Spyware onto your hard drive. (Maybe it is a disease after all?!) Yes, it's silly. Yes, it's pointless. And yes, it's aimed at bored 5 year olds, not 22 year old sad bastards like me. Also, having played about with this funky little tool, I ran my anti-spyware kit and found... and I shit you not here... 90 new pieces of Spyware floating around on my PC, just waiting to kick me in the ass. Don't believe me? Click here for proof. Despite all this nonsense, I've got to admit - I'm hooked.

I mean... just look at their cute, adorable little faces! Isn't that some of the coolest shit you've ever seen? Sure they all look the same. Sure, it makes life harder when it comes to avoiding the ugly, wart-covered freaks that gangbang you in internet chat rooms. Rather than an honest / hideous real-life picture, the Hunchbacks out there will simply adopt one of these innocent looking monikers. But who cares? I now have my own set of two-dimensional little dudes! Bliss!

A pointless rant...

The whole reason for this Zwinky nonsense is for use on MySpace. Unlike many, I refuse to join this ever-growing landslide of people whoring themselves out to this miraculous waste of time (MySpace, not Zwinky). I'm not cool, I know. And yes, I'm mortified by the prospect of not having dozens of people I've never met become my friends. Terrified. Shitting myself. Suicidal even. Why the sudden rush for these things, I'll never know. Who gives a toss about kerry_from_ireland_1987 and her continuing love of cats? If anything, the MySpace craze has proved that:

  • 99.9% of people really don't have anything to say.
  • 99.999% of people don't know how to spell, and consider the use of punctuation a sin up there alongside devil worship and The Klan.
  • There should be a tax on the word 'bling.'
  • Over-usage of exclamation marks should carry the death penalty.
  • I'm definately getting too old for this shit.

People often ask me "Hey Dave, you getting a MySpace page?" Why should I? I'm not going to waste my time, especially when I've got this crappy little excuse for a website. I have over 500 gigabytes of storage space and over 5 terabytes of bandwidth. Why convert? The fact I have this site already proves what a sad bastard I am - two would be pushing it.

Would I like a MySpace account? I'd rather fuck a crocodile in the mouth. A big crocodile. With a mean temper. That breathes fire. And has just come back after getting its teeth sharpened.

Here's one we made earlier...


Granted, I'll never use Zwinky for anything other than making these pointlessly inept cartoons, but who cares? I'm having a fucking blast here. Here's another one for you lucky, lucky people. If you want to dip your toes into the murky waters of zwinky.com then go ahead... but be warned... there's some strange people out there. Better watch out, otherwise you might end up bumping into one of the various drooling freaks that prowl the internet, safe behind their innocent looking new avatars. Or... even worse... you might bump into me.

A scary thought indeed...

[Editor's note: For those unfamiliar with our history, this website used to be purple. It also used to look like it'd been designed by a blind, claustrophobic retard trapped in a hot car. But things change...]


That's all for now.
We'd bother you with various future updates with more wanky Zwinky-build cartoons, but we've insulted your intelligence enough as it is...

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Click here to go back to the home page Click here to see our foolish and drunken attempts at humour Click here to read our humiliation of the worst cinematic abortions the movie industry has to offer Click here to see some of the most bizarre news the web's ever puked out Click here to see the barrage of other crap we have lying around