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The world sure is one crazy place. It's been on the cards for some time now, but a news report I heard a while back really proved the point for me. It all happened when some Welsh idiot got wasted on cheap booze and when to his local pub where England were facing Wales in Rugby. (Rugby, for all ye Yanks reading this, is kind of like the sport you call Football, except our guys don't dress in the kind of armour more befitting a space marine commando. Take the hint.) Anyhow, this Welshman... let's call him Marvin... drunkenly states that if Wales win England (the world champions at time of writing) then he'd cut his balls off. Then, due perhaps to witchcraft, the rare alignment of the stars and planets, or perhaps some obscure voodoo curse, Wales actually went off and won the damn thing. The world went into a state of shock... none more so than the bar Marvin was drinking in. Upon seeing the final score, our man Marv left his hoard of celebrating Welsh to venture to the toilet to drain the lizard. As you do. Upon the toilet he finds a pair of gardening sheers... pulls down his pants... I'm not going to go into the gory details, for your sake and mine... suffice to say that certain individuals were singing Soprano that night. The damnedest thing of all is that this is by no means an isolated incident. Extensive, dedicated research (and by that I mean a 5 minute search on Google) lead me to literally dozens of weird and rather (literally) breathtaking examples of guys grabbing blades and taking it to the man downstairs. |
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Regardless of why, this knife-wielding insanity is just too strange and, well, too damn funny to pass up. So, dear readers, see below for a whole rogues gallery into worldwide wang removal. Feast your eyes upon this matinee of macabre mangling. Oh, and for Christ's sake - don't try this at home. (Or if you do, at least have the decency not to send us your pictures. Seriously - the web's messed up enough as it is...) Drugged man cuts off penis and eats it. |
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"A Malaysian man sliced off his own penis, then fried and ate it after taking hallucinatory pills that caused him to hear voices urging him to mutilate himself, police said. The 34-year-old claimed he only realized what he had done when he saw blood oozing from his crotch, said a police spokesman in the town of Sitiawan, 300 kilometres north of Kuala Lumpur. The man had taken hallucinatory pills before sleeping on Friday and awoke hearing voices telling him to chop off his penis and devour it, the spokesman said on condition of anonymity. He was hospitalised in a stable condition, the national news agency Bernama reported. The man had recently been released from a drug rehabilitation centre, Bernama said." |
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Drugged man cuts off penis. |
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"A man has undergone microsurgery to try and re-attach his little finger, penis, scrotum and left hand - all which he cut off in an alleged drug-induced act of self-mutilation. Police said the man was believed to be high on amphetamines. He attacked himself with a large kitchen carving knife during an argument with his wife at a home in the northern NSW town of Inverell. The bizarre act of self-mutilation was witnessed by two ambulance officers who were called to the home at 2.30pm on Tuesday by the distraught woman after the man, aged 38, initially cut off the little finger on his right hand. Inverell police Inspector Dave Harrington said when ambulance officers arrived at the home, the woman ran from the house followed by the man, who was still armed with the knife. The man then cut off his scrotum and penis before lopping off his left hand at the wrist-joint, just as Inspector Harrington and six other police officers arrived at the scene. It took all seven officers to hold the man down while the ambulance officers applied pressure bandages to stem the bleeding. Inspector Harrington said that had the ambulance officers not been on hand the man might have died from massive blood loss. "It is one of the worst things I've seen in 16 years," Inspector Harrington said. "Police have reason to believe he was affected by amphetamines at the time. |
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Inspector Harrington said officers recovered the severed body parts, which were later packed in ice in the hope they could be reattached with microsurgery. The body parts accompanied the heavily sedated man on the Air Ambulance flight back to Sydney on Tuesday night. On arrival at 10.30pm, the man was transferred to St George Hospital, where he underwent further surgery. The hospital yesterday refused to reveal whether attempts to reattach the man's body parts were successful. However, the hospital did say that after the microsurgery the man was in a critical but stable condition. Inspector Harrington said it had been a traumatic experience for ambulance and police officers involved. "They [the police officers] have received some counselling today in relation to the incident," he said." TwistedEdge says: Niiice. I especially like it how it was the cops who needed therapy after the incident. That's some good shit. All this because of an argument between some dude and his woman. Go figure. I can almost picture the scene now - because names were hidden to protect those involved from immense embarrassment, new ones will have to be assigned. I'll them Fred and Wilma (originality prevails once again...) |
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Wilma: Erm... Fred? We need to talk. It just isn't going to work out between us. Fred: What?! What the hell you on about woman? Wilma: Well... you're a bit weird, Fred. I kinda feel you've been losing it lately... Fred: Shuddup woman! Now get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie! Wilma: Seriously Fred, this isn't the time for a Cartman impression. Look, the problem is... you've been jerking off too much. It's disgusting. Fred: I thought you liked it! You said it makes me look sophisticated! |
Fred: That's it! I've heard enough from you! Pass me the carving knife! I'll give you something to bitch about! You say I jerk off too much?! Ha! This'll teach you! Wilma: Erm... Fred? I... Fred: AAAAAAAAGH! OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAGH! HELP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Romanian cuts off penis; dog eats it. |
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"Elderly man mistook organ for chicken head, news agency says. Bucharest, Romania - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said on Monday. “I confused it with the chicken’s neck,” Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. “I cut it... and the dog rushed and ate it.” Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger." TwistedEdge says: Now the obvious question here is - what the hell was wrong with this guy's dick that made it look like a chicken's head?! Is there some kind of terrifying STD out there that makes victim's purple helmets grow beaks and cluck?! |
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More to the point; what in the name of Jesus Harold Christ was he doing with his milk hose out while cooking anyway?! Doesn't he realise the dangers something like hot, bubbling oil could pose in this situation? One slip with the deep fat fryer and you're history. I guess this is one hell of a way to learn about kitchen safety... Man Slices Off Penis. |
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"Alan Hall, 48, was found collapsed on the front lawn of his brother's Fairfield home on December 5, 8 hours after his penis had been cut off at the base. Paramedics rushed Hall to North Bay Medical Center, where surgeons were unsuccessful in their attempts to reattach his severed organ. A heated manhunt for Brenda ensued. She was described as a 42-year-old white female, 5' 7" and 135 pounds, dressed in a white blouse, navy blue jacket and blue slacks, and possibly driving a brown Ford F350 pickup truck. Meanwhile, after being discharged from the hospital on Monday, Hall drove off in a pickup hitched to his trailer and disappeared. Detectives were eager to interview him again, but were unable to locate him due to his transient lifestyle. More intriguing details began to emerge. Hall was arrested during the 1970's for drug possession and drunk driving. In 1982 he was arrested for taking his young daughter out of state. Psychological tests suggested that he suffered permanent mental trauma while serving with the U.S. Navy in Vietnam, causing blackouts and alcoholism. His ex-wife described him as a packrat who enjoyed taking trips in his mobile trailer home." |
TwistedEdge says: As with the other stories around this rather deliciously weird subject, it beggars belief how this whole clusterfuck of affairs actually came about. Perhaps Brenda was just really anxious to try out her new blade on his. Or maybe the label "designed for cutting wood" was too confusing for her. I don't know any more - I've given up guessing, for the sake of my sanity amongst all else. And finally... There's no way of knowing how far this trend will continue, or what weird and wonderful ways these people will conjure up to maul and mutilate their manhoods. Always one to go with the flow, I've suggested a few ways in which to make this whole penis removal lark a little more interesting. God only knows where this'll end up. Maybe it'll become some some kind of obscure olympic sport? Only time will tell. Enjoy:
Click here to email your friends about this page - the more people see this, the better. These idiots need laughing at. Click here to mail us your feedback, fanmail, hatemail, whatever. Click here to be wooed by our guestbook. Click here to go back. |
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