An open letter to our readers from Team TwistedEdge:
In 2006 a few people who should have known better got extremely drunk on cheap alcohol and just a little bit high. The result of this and many other crazed binges was the shitty little website you're viewing right now. Started with the purest intentions as little more than a geeky waste of time, TwistedEdge has somehow turned in to a magnet for retards, psychopaths, bed-wetters and perverts worldwide.
For a while we were proud of our derranged following. Our article on Midget Throwing, written hastily while drunk, has somehow become the world's foremost source of knowledge on the subject, quoted on Wikipedia as an essential guide. 100,000+ people have logged on to see dwarves fly. Our second most popular page is about the World's Longest Shit which recently got its 15,000th reader. What's scarier - the fact we wrote it or the fact people read it?
However, the shit really hit the fan recently when we did some research in to what people are searching for in order to find this weird little website. The results are frankly horrifying. What can we say? You people are fucking savages. Shame on you.
Seriously, look at what people type in to search engines... and somehow end up here...
Corporations worldwide spend millions each year trying to get to the top of Google for certain phrases. Because of the above we've actually done the opposite, using technology to make our site as hard to find as possible. We never wanted this website to be a gay porn haven for people hot for Dolph Lundgren.
'Fisting raggedy ass' caught us by surprise, as did someone's suggestion that Chuck Norris is a kiddie-fucker, considering we don't even have a single article about the man. And #99 speaks for itself. We spent ages coding our website in such a way to hide it from perverts and maniacs searching for the above. The results however were even more terrifying...
We don't even have a page about bulimia. Or Uzbekistan. Or a pregnant 9 year old. Or even chicken dicks for that matter. The further we got down the list, the worse things became. Note also how the Dolph Lundgren porn somehow made a comeback, despite our best efforts...
We've pretty much stopped writing new content since these discoveries. It's hard to be creative with an army of deranged perverts knocking on your server door. Not that it matters - data shows that more people visit our site when we don't write than when we do. For now we've managed to stall you dumbasses with bullshit like the graphics below.
Will we write again? Who knows. Until then, here's that old article on Andrew WK that people in Germany, Latvia and Iceland seem to be going fucking crazy over.
- Team TwistedEdge.
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