Drunken Elephant Goes On Rampage

While this is weather that would cause chaos almost anywhere in the world, things in Russia ran efficiently as usual - airports and major roads reporting no major problems or delays - this despite weather so cold that thousands of mobile phones and ATM machines froze up.

Not that the Russians would let something as petty as that stop them. "God bless Russia!" proclaimed 28 year old crazed neo-fascist politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky, who promptly stripped down to his floral boxers and jumped into a pool of freezing cold ice water - an act carried out by thousands during this time of year to celebrate the baptism of Jesus.

"This is why Americans can't understand Russians!" he boomed.

But if there's one essential ingredient for surviving a Russian winter it's vodka - and not just for humans. In Moscow Zoo, an elephant was treated to a bucket of vodka to keep warm. Unfortunately it got drunk, went on the rampage and smashed up the zoo's over-worked central heating system.

Ironically, on a day when even the homeless were allowed to sleep indoors, the zoo keepers were left out in the cold...